A phrasebook is not a script for a perfect parent — there's no such thing. It's a list of doors you can walk through when your own brain has shut. Skim once today. Tomorrow, when she's screaming on the kitchen floor and you have nothing left, one of these will surface.

§ 01 Setting limits

• "I won't let you hit. Hitting hurts.""No te voy a dejar pegar. Pegar duele."— block the body while you say it.
• "I can't let you throw food. I'm going to take your plate.""No puedo dejar que tires la comida. Voy a quitarte el plato."— pair the limit with calm action.
• "I can't let you climb there. It's not safe.""No te puedo dejar subirte ahí. No es seguro."— you are the protector, not the punisher.
• "You're showing me you're done eating.""Me estás mostrando que ya terminaste de comer."
• "No hurting. Gentle hands.""Nada de lastimar. Manos suaves."— hold their hands gently, eye contact, three-second pause.
• "The rule is: car seat always. I love you too much to let you ride without it.""La regla es: silla de auto siempre. Te quiero demasiado para dejarte ir sin ella."
• "It's me who decides.""Yo soy quien decide."— calm, with conviction. Not angry. Just clear.
• "I don't agree.""No estoy de acuerdo."— a complete sentence.
• "I hear you. The answer is still no. I know that's hard.""Te escucho. La respuesta sigue siendo no. Sé que es difícil."
• "You don't want to get dressed. I hear you. We need clothes to go outside. You choose, or I'll choose for you.""No quieres vestirte. Te escucho. Necesitamos ropa para salir. Tú eliges, o yo elijo por ti."

§ 02 During meltdowns & tantrums

• "You're having such a hard time right now. I'm here.""Estás pasando por un momento muy difícil. Aquí estoy."
• "I'm right here. You're safe.""Aquí estoy. Estás a salvo."
• "You can cry as long as you need to.""Puedes llorar todo el tiempo que necesites."
• "You're SO upset! SO mad! Mad mad mad!""¡Estás MUY molesta! ¡MUY enojada! ¡Enojada, enojada, enojada!"— toddler-ese, ⅓ intensity.
• "I'm going to keep you safe.""Te voy a mantener a salvo."— when they're hitting/kicking during overwhelm.
• "Let it out. I'm right here.""Déjalo salir. Aquí estoy."
• "You won't feel this sad forever. The sad feeling will go away.""No te vas a sentir así de triste para siempre. La tristeza va a pasar."
• "Your body looks tense. I think you might be tired.""Tu cuerpo se ve tenso. Creo que estás cansada."
• After it passes: "That was really hard. Do you want a hug?""Eso fue muy difícil. ¿Quieres un abrazo?"

§ 03 Transitions

• "Two more slides, then we're going.""Dos resbaladillas más, y nos vamos."— one warning, not five.
• "It's time to go. I'm going to pick you up now.""Es hora de irnos. Te voy a cargar ahora."— then do it.
• "You didn't want to leave. You were having so much fun. It's hard to go.""No querías irte. Te estabas divirtiendo mucho. Es difícil irse."
• "Let's say bye-bye to the slide! Bye slide! See you tomorrow!""¡Vamos a despedirnos de la resbaladilla! ¡Adiós resbaladilla! ¡Hasta mañana!"
• "You wish you could stay FOREVER!""¡Quisieras quedarte PARA SIEMPRE!"— give in fantasy what you can't give in reality.
• "Walk or carry? You pick.""¿Caminas o te cargo? Tú eliges."
• "You were expecting hamburgers and we're having tacos. That's a change you weren't ready for.""Esperabas hamburguesas y vamos a comer tacos. Es un cambio para el que no estabas lista."
• "It's bath time now.""Es hora del baño."— let the routine be the authority.

§ 04 Getting cooperation

• "Red cup or blue cup?""¿Vaso rojo o vaso azul?"— two choices max.
• "Brush teeth first or pajamas first?""¿Lavarnos los dientes o ponernos la pijama primero?"
• "Walk to the car or shall I carry you?""¿Caminas al carro o te cargo?"
• "As soon as you're dressed, we can go outside!""¡En cuanto te vistas, podemos salir!"— when/then, not if/then.
• "You're in charge of pushing the elevator button.""Tú estás a cargo de apretar el botón del elevador."
• "Your job is to hold the grocery list.""Tu trabajo es sostener la lista del súper."
• "What do you need on your feet before we go outside?""¿Qué necesitas en los pies antes de salir?"— question instead of command.
• "Shoes.""Zapatos."— one warm word with a gesture.

§ 05 Naming feelings

• "You're really upset right now.""Estás muy molesta ahora."
• "You seem really frustrated. Are you frustrated because the puzzle piece won't fit?""Pareces muy frustrada. ¿Estás frustrada porque la pieza del rompecabezas no entra?"— the empathy reflex: describe, then guess.
• "It's okay to feel scared.""Está bien tener miedo."
• "You were so mad because you wanted the red cup and I gave you the blue one.""Estabas muy enojada porque querías el vaso rojo y te di el azul."
• "That was really scary, wasn't it?""Eso dio mucho miedo, ¿verdad?"
• "You're not being difficult. Those seams really do bother you.""No estás siendo difícil. Las costuras de verdad te molestan."
• "Do you have any leftover feelings about what happened at the park today?""¿Tienes alguna sensación que te haya quedado sobre lo que pasó hoy en el parque?"— feelings check-in at end of day.
• "Your body needs to move! Let's do some jumping, then we'll sit for a story.""¡Tu cuerpo necesita moverse! Vamos a saltar un poco, y luego nos sentamos para un cuento."
• "Let's stomp our feet like dinosaurs!""¡Vamos a pisar fuerte como dinosaurios!"— movement changes brain chemistry.

§ 06 Encouragement (without "good job!")

• "You did it!""¡Lo lograste!"
• "You kept trying even when it was hard.""Seguiste intentándolo aunque era difícil."
• "You used so many colors. Tell me about this part.""Usaste muchos colores. Cuéntame de esta parte."
• "You're working on that.""Lo estás trabajando."— often the best thing to say. Don't rush in.
• "I see you're working on that. You can do it. I'm right here if you need me.""Veo que lo estás trabajando. Tú puedes. Aquí estoy si me necesitas."
• "You waited so patiently — that took patience!""Esperaste con tanta paciencia — ¡eso requirió paciencia!"
• "You gave some to her. How did that feel?""Le diste un poquito. ¿Cómo se sintió?"
• "You worked really hard on that!""¡Trabajaste muy duro en eso!"— instead of "you're so smart!"

§ 07 Separation & drop-off

Never sneak out. Always say goodbye.

• "I'm going to leave now. I know that feels hard. You're safe with [caregiver]. I will come back. I always come back.""Me voy a ir ahora. Sé que se siente difícil. Estás a salvo con [persona]. Voy a regresar. Siempre regreso."
• "After your nap, we're going to play together.""Después de tu siesta, vamos a jugar juntos."— bridge to the next connection.
• "I'm going to think about you while I'm at work.""Voy a pensar en ti mientras estoy en el trabajo."
• "I'll be right here when you wake up.""Aquí voy a estar cuando despiertes."
• "It's hard to say goodbye. I get it.""Es difícil decir adiós. Lo entiendo."
• Reunion: "There you are! I missed you. Tell me about your day.""¡Aquí estás! Te extrañé. Cuéntame de tu día."— get down low, smile, hug first.

§ 08 Bedtime

• "It's time for sleep now. I love you. I'll see you in the morning.""Es hora de dormir. Te amo. Nos vemos en la mañana."
• "You don't WANT to go to bed! You wish you could stay up FOREVER!""¡NO quieres ir a la cama! ¡Quisieras quedarte despierta PARA SIEMPRE!"— fantasy often dissolves resistance.
• "Which pajamas? Which book? Which stuffed animal?""¿Cuál pijama? ¿Cuál libro? ¿Cuál peluche?"
• "Being in the dark can feel scary. I'm right in the next room. You're safe.""Estar a oscuras puede dar miedo. Estoy en el cuarto de al lado. Estás a salvo."
• If they get out of bed: walk them back, in silence. Every time.

§ 09 Mealtimes

• "Here's dinner. You can eat what you'd like.""Aquí está la cena. Puedes comer lo que quieras."— you decide what; they decide whether and how much.
• "You just have to taste it.""Solo tienes que probarlo."— the French tasting rule.
• "Your tummy knows how much food it needs.""Tu pancita sabe cuánta comida necesita."
• "You don't have to eat it.""No tienes que comerlo."— and don't make a separate plate.
• "Balls are for throwing! Food stays on the plate.""¡Las pelotas son para tirar! La comida se queda en el plato."
• "It looks like you're all finished. Your plate goes in the kitchen.""Parece que ya terminaste. Tu plato va a la cocina."
• "It's not snack time yet. You can have something at four-thirty.""Todavía no es hora de la merienda. Puedes comer algo a las cuatro y media."
• "Wait two minutes. I'm finishing something.""Espera dos minutos. Estoy terminando algo."— patience is a daily skill.

§ 10 Sharing & sibling conflict

• "You're using the truck right now. When you're done, it will be her turn.""Tú estás usando el camión ahora. Cuando termines, le tocará a ella."
• "You really want that toy. She's playing with it. It's hard to wait.""De verdad quieres ese juguete. Ella está jugando con él. Es difícil esperar."
• "I see two kids who both want the same toy. That's a problem. What can we do?""Veo a dos niños que quieren el mismo juguete. Es un problema. ¿Qué podemos hacer?"
• "She's crying. What could we do to help?""Está llorando. ¿Qué podemos hacer para ayudar?"— instead of forced "say sorry."
• "I won't let you take her toy. She's using it.""No voy a dejar que le quites su juguete. Ella lo está usando."

§ 11 Fears & anxiety

• "That was really scary.""Eso dio mucho miedo."
• "I can see this feels scary to you.""Puedo ver que esto te da miedo."
• "I'm right here with you. You're safe.""Aquí estoy contigo. Estás a salvo."
• "It sounds like your worry-brain is being really loud right now.""Suena como que tu cerebro preocupón está muy ruidoso ahora."— externalizes the fear.
• "What would help you feel brave enough to try?""¿Qué te ayudaría a sentirte lo suficientemente valiente para intentarlo?"
• "What's the scariest part?""¿Cuál es la parte que más miedo te da?"— instead of repeating reassurance.
• "You can watch first and join when you're ready.""Puedes mirar primero y unirte cuando estés lista."
• "She'll come to you when she's ready.""Ella se acercará cuando esté lista."— say to other adults. Never "she's shy""es tímida"in front of the child.
• "The hand dryer is loud. I'll cover your ears if you want.""El secador de manos hace mucho ruido. Te tapo los oídos si quieres."
• "This is new and I'm a little nervous, but I'm going to try.""Esto es nuevo y estoy un poquito nervioso/a, pero voy a intentarlo."— model facing fear out loud.

§ 12 Independence & autonomy

• "You're my helper! Can you carry this to the table?""¡Eres mi ayudante! ¿Puedes llevar esto a la mesa?"
• "I'm going to pick you up now.""Te voy a cargar ahora."— always tell them before acting on their body.
• "I'm going to change your diaper. Are you ready?""Te voy a cambiar el pañal. ¿Estás lista?"
• "Can you help push your arm through?""¿Puedes ayudar a meter tu brazo?"
• "Help me to help myself.""Ayúdame a ayudarme a mí misma."— Montessori's whole posture in five words.
• "The orange peel goes in the bin.""La cáscara de naranja va al bote."— give information, not commands.
• "Push your pants down.""Empuja los pantalones para abajo."— say push not pull with toddlers; they're literal.

§ 13 Repair & reconnection

You will lose your temper. What matters is what you do next.

• "I need a moment — I'll be right back. I love you.""Necesito un momento — ya regreso. Te amo."— when you feel yourself losing control.
• "I'm too upset to deal with this right now, but I'll be back in a few minutes.""Estoy demasiado alterado/a para manejar esto ahora, pero regreso en unos minutos."
• Self-talk: "I can handle this. This is normal."
• Self-talk: "This is my old stuff, not my child's fault. I need a breath."

§ 14 Potty training

• "Come, it's time to pee.""Ven, es hora de hacer pipí."— never "do you have to go potty?""¿Tienes que hacer del baño?"
• "Let's pee before we go outside.""Vamos a hacer pipí antes de salir."
• "You peed on the floor. Pee goes in the potty.""Hiciste pipí en el piso. La pipí va en la bacinica."— neutral, no scolding.
• "You did it! You peed in the potty!""¡Lo hiciste! ¡Hiciste pipí en la bacinica!"
• "Today you're going to put your pee and poop in the potty.""Hoy vas a poner tu pipí y tu popó en la bacinica."
• "Okay, I trust you to come tell me when you do. I'll be in the kitchen.""Okay, confío en que vengas a decirme cuando lo hagas. Voy a estar en la cocina."— when, not if.
• "It's coming, you can do it. Just relax and let it fall out.""Ya viene, tú puedes. Solo relájate y deja que caiga."

§ 15 Saying no without saying no

Instead of	Try / Mejor
No ice cream.	That sounds delicious! We can have some after dinner.¡Suena delicioso! Podemos comer después de cenar.
We can't go to the park.	I know you love the park. When it stops raining, we can go.Sé que te encanta el parque. Cuando deje de llover, podemos ir.
You can't have that.	You really want that. Let's put it on your wish list.De verdad lo quieres. Vamos a ponerlo en tu lista de deseos.
No running inside.	You want to run! Let's go outside where you can run as fast as you want.¡Quieres correr! Vamos afuera donde puedes correr tan rápido como quieras.
(when no is just no)	I can see you really, really want that. The answer is still no, and I know that's hard.Puedo ver que de verdad, de verdad lo quieres. La respuesta sigue siendo no, y sé que es difícil.

§ 16 Power tools (use these often)

1. Give in fantasy.

   "I wish I had a magic wand and could make it stop raining!""¡Ojalá tuviera una varita mágica y pudiera hacer que dejara de llover!"Faber's secret weapon. The wish lands; the demand often lifts.

2. Gossip.

   Whisper to a stuffed animal within earshot: "Did you see what she did? Put her shoes on ALL BY HERSELF!""¿Viste lo que hizo? ¡Se puso los zapatos ELLA SOLITA!"Overheard praise lands harder than direct praise.

3. Make it a game.

   Talking shoes. Races. Reverse psychology: "Don't you DARE put that coat on!""¡Ni se te OCURRA ponerte ese abrigo!"The number-one cooperation tool.

4. Put them in charge.

   "You're in charge of the elevator button.""Tú estás a cargo del botón del elevador."Meets the autonomy drive without giving up the goal.

5. One-word reminders.

   Said warmly with a gesture. "Shoes!""¡Zapatos!"· "Teeth!""¡Dientes!"· "Hands!""¡Manos!"Beats a lecture every time.